“While we may think we know what we want, we’re often wrong.”
BOTM is Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. I decided to switch up the BOTM from business and biographies to a non fiction dating book. This book goes through the history of dating, to how it is in America compared to other countries like Japan and Argentina. This perspective gave me a new sense of appreciation of pros and cons of the modern dating world and that I wasn’t the only one seeing the same patterns.
The book begins with history of dating, which was mostly location based. People largely dated their neighbors and coworkers, whatever was geographically available. With the internet and smart phones, there are no boundaries which you can connect with someone anywhere at anytime of the day. We are like kids in a candy store when it comes to modern dating. We are thrown options left and right often looking at the next option while with the current one. Ansari mentions a story where a woman was on her way to a date with a man, while she was en route she was swiping on Tinder looking for a backup plan just in case the current one fails.
With digital dating and the growing trends of social media, “the perfect person” is something that the modern dater never stop striving for. The grass is always greener and in the dating world with the billions of people on the planet, we waste a lot of time trying to find this “perfection” when in reality it takes time and commitment to build up to this perfect relationship.
Looking at dating in Japan where men are worried about rejection to Argentina where women almost need to fake their death to get men to stop hitting on them, we find America nicely nestled in the middle of forwardness but not too forward.
Internationally ebbs and flows of dating are the same, there is the passion stage of dating which lasts for the first 12-18 months and promptly fades. For a relationship to last there needs to be a significant love between the couple which replaces the passion flame. Passion is still needed though! This can be in the form of spontaneous adventures, love letters, anything that isn’t in the norm of everyday work, eat, sleep, repeat. Without this passion, there is still a craving. This is most often in the form of infidelity. Keep the passion going people!
This book is for the people generally interested in relationships or curious about why people take 2 days to reply to a text when we all have our phones on us 24/7.
Still reading Crossing the Chasm. 2018 is a big book year!