“Remember, feedback is meant to address the problem, not the person.”
A little backstory to why I chose this book as it was picked at certain time with purpose. I found myself attempting to remove emotions from my life, I used to believe the best decision making came from lack of emotions. If our life is purely made up by every decision we make, emotions will only obscure the best path to success. The good and bad part about this journey, I was successful in this attempt. I kept even keeled through highs and lows, making what I believe to be the best decisions possible but began noticing something. I was unable to read emotions in others and most times, I didn’t care. Viewing emotions in the back of my mind as a negative, anyone that came to me with emotional stress or problems, I would simply tell them that getting worked up is pointless and a problem to their solution is often very easily in their grasp. This all stemmed from a very stressful time in my life where I found myself going through a break up without a job or a place to live for a months. I didn’t have time for emotions. This robot-like response began to push people away and needless to say, I was never the ‘fun guy’ in the group. I never stopped to think about why humans have emotions. Instead of removing what is gifted to us at birth I began thinking; how can I use this as a tool to benefit myself and others.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 breaks down into 4 different categories; self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. The book starts off with you taking a quiz to see which categories your strengths and weaknesses are found. Self-management being by far the best for myself at a score of 91 and the lowest being social awareness at score of 51. To give further context, anything below a 70 was something that needed to be addressed immediately. These results were unsurprising though, only putting energy into my own focus and excluding anything outside of my sphere, everyone else seemed further and further away. This is the most “self-help” book I have read because it was helping a problem I realized I had created for myself and aimed to solve.
This book starts out talking about the history of emotional intelligence and why it is beneficial financially and socially. Humans need human interaction, there’s no way around it. So to manage these interactions with emotional and illogical humans, you better come well equipped. I would compare it to the necessity to eat. You can’t just go eating anything all willy nilly, you have to have controlled portions, dietary restrictions and understand all the pros and cons of eating. While it’s long winded to cover all the details of how to become better in your own categories, the ultimate break down comes from understanding yourself and using that to understand others.
There is no one solution fits all in this scenario but being aware of your emotions letting them take their course and bing mindful of responses and interactions with others, you will begin to improve in your own EQ slowly but surely. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that feels socially awkward, leaders, or if you find yourself with a constant short fuse!